Pens Pound The Blues 5-1, Outlast Panthers 3-2 (SO) Now 9-1

If you want me to recap hockey games that are broadcast on Versus than I'm going to need you to speak with the feminine hygiene products at Comcast.

Penguins 5 St. Louis 1

I did not get to watch Evgeni Malkin's 12 shots against the Blues because I have DirecTV. I didn't enjoy the domination of the first period where the Pens outshot St. Louis 20-3.

It was frustrating. I got to see a couple of live look-ins courtesy of the NHL Network but that wasn't enough to satisfy my needs. I hate Comcast, Versus, and the Flyers. I will continue to recap Versus games in this manor.

Penguins 3 Panthers 2 (SO)

The Pens had a rough first period in which the Florida Panthers jumped out to a 2-0 lead. It was the first time since they lost to the Phoenix Coyotes that they got out played. Florida played their system and seemed to be getting every lose puck.

I started to feel bad for Brent Johnson who was making his second start of the year. He made several big saves in losing to the 'Yotes and through two periods last night it looked to be the same thing. I like Johnson and he if keeps making great saves like this all year I will be supremely happy. So far this looks like another under-rated signing by Ray Shero.

The Penguins, like they so often do, turned it up in the third period outshooting the Panthers 15-6. Kid Crosby took over and scored a powerplay goal and amazingly his first ever shorthanded goal to tie things up at two and earn a tough point. Last night was Crosby's 300th NHL game and he netted his first shortie. That blows my mind.

The Pens carried the play in OT but Vokoun was good. Both netminders were great in this one. They were a joy to watch and obviously after 65 minutes of solid play you had to figure that beating one of these men in a shootout would be difficult.

Sidney Crosby was the only shooter to beat Vokoun or Johnson in the SO earning the Pens their ninth win of October. This is the first time that the Penguins have reached that many wins in the month of October. 9-1. Is there anything to complain about?

I should mention that as a half-assed blogger I completely dropped the ball by not posting about Gonchar's injury. I just figured that if you came here than you are already a big Pens supporter and have about 500 other outlets to get this type of info.

It sucks that Gonch is going to be out 4-6 weeks but I look forward to seeing what Goligoski and Letang can do with the powerplay. Gonchar isn't going to be around forever so it is a good thing to get these guys some experience running the pp. Also, Shero again looks like a genius by picking up veteran Martin Skoula right before the season began.

Its great to have a guy with his NHL experience for just this type of situation. I don't trust Ben Lovejoy or anyone else down in Wilkes-Barre to take that open spot. Great little move by Shero. He has to be one of the best GM's in the league.

Week 7 Preview: The Brett Favre Lovefest Comes To Pittsburgh

Minnesota is 6-0 with the ageless, Wrangler-wearing, gunslinger Brett Favre. Every one is heaping praise on the forty year old and rightfully so. But don't be fooled into thinking he is the main reason.

Minnesota was a playoff team last season with Tavaris Jackson running the show. Think about that for a second, Tavaris Jackson took them to the playoffs. Yeah, it's not the QB that is the driving force in Minny. Its RB Adrian Peterson and that stout defense led by the ultimate redneck, Jared Allen.

Offense

QB: Brett Favre I used to love this guy. Even owned a Green Bay #4 jersey. Now I just want him to go away. Yeah, it is remarkable that he can still play at the highest level possible but all the indecision and attention whoring just drove me over the edge. That and the fact that he went to the Packers biggest rival. That is inexcusable. I can't root for a guy like that. Imagine Ben signing with Browns just to stick to the Steelers. Disgusting, right?

Favre hasn't been the "gunslinger" we have become accustomed to this year, he has 12 TD's and just 2 INT. This is was happens when you have #28 toting the rock. "Toting the rock", does anyone still say that? I am such a douche.

I am done talking about Favre in this space. (Until the game grades post)

RB: Adrian Peterson is by far the best in the league. I normally really enjoy watching him play but he has kept me up at night this past week. Peterson is nursing a sore ankle but is listed as probable for Sunday. He will play, hopefully the Steelers have an answer. This is a huge test of what the defense can do without Aaron Smith. Travis Kirschke will be key.

It doesn't get a whole heck of a lot easier when Peterson is out as Chester Taylor is a legitimately good back.

WR: Sidney Rice and Bernard Berrian are decent wideouts but do not put the fear of god into me. I like this match-up, especially if they keep the Vikes run game in check. Rookie Percy Harvin is a playmaker and quite possibly a game changer.

TE: Visanthe Shiancoe is one of the league's better tight ends and Brett Favre has historically made the tight end his favorite option. Also in Shiancoe's favor (at least with the ladies) is the fact that he has big winkie. I'm not a pervert or anything (okay maybe a little) but last season Fox gave us a good 30 seconds of locker room talk and Shiancoe's goodies were right there for the nation to see.

O-Line: You can't have win rushing titles without a good offensive line and the Vikes do have a few road graters. LG Steve Hutchinson is the big name here and teamed with LT Bryant McKinnie they make one of the best left sides in the NFL. The holes they create I fully believe I could run through.

Defense

D-Line: The "Williams Wall" make it tough for opponents to move the ball with regularity. Although, they may have used performance enhancers to get to this point. DE Jared Allen will more than likely meet Mr. Roethlisberger in the back field at some point. That is fine, Allen is a rush DE that focuses on sack numbers. Players like this are susceptible to screens and draws aimed right at him. I would exploit this fact early and often. The worst that could happen is that he would be forced to play more honest.

LB: The Vikes are one of the few teams left that run a 4-3 nowadays. I am not too familiar with MLB EJ Henderson or Ben Leber but I do remember Chad Greenway was a big first round selection a few years back. Sorry, I don't watch a lot of the NFC North, if you want real insight you should've figured out that you were in the wrong place about 800 words ago.

DB: Well Minnesota's best cover guy Antoine Winfield is listed as doubtful with a foot injury. He missed most of the second half last week and Baltimore lit them up in the fourth quarter. With the way Ben is playing right now this could be a disaster for the Vikings secondary.

Special Teams

Ryan Longwell has been kicking for ever it seems. Percy Harvin is a great return man that can break a long one at any time. After Josh Cribbs' return last week I would try to keep the ball out of Harvin's hands.

Minnesota's coverage team is notoriously awful under Brad Childress. Maybe this is the week that Stefan Logan finds the end zone.

So after a couple of cupcake teams the Steelers have real test coming into Heinz Field this week. I think if the defense can contain Peterson forcing Favre to the air then we stand a good chance of winning. I like Ben's chances against the Vikes' secondary, if he has the time to get the ball down field. I (like always) am picking the Steelers to win. So take it for what it is worth.

Week Six Game Grades: Browns' Pants Aren't The Only Thing That Looks Like Poop

Oh Cleveland, how miss hating you. It is so hard to hate a team that is this bad. I can't believe I am going to type this but I actually feel for the Brownie faithful. They deserve better. We deserve better.

The Steelers predictably won 27-14 and Ben Roehtlisberger is now 10-0 against Cleveland. That has to hurt as the Browns passed on Ben in favor of Kellen Winslow, Jr.

I loved this game from a blogging stand point because my team won and won by a decent margin yet they were sloppy enough that I have stuff to complain about. And complaining is what I live for.

Offense

QB: B+ Ben threw for 417 and two touchdowns, awesome right? Well, yeah he was awesome. Watching Ben move a linebacker or a safety with a well timed pump-fake is glorious. He truly is the heart and mind of the offense. I love that he distributes the ball evenly to all his weapons. After five seasons and two Super Bowl wins Ben is finally getting mentioned with the Mannings and the Bradys of the world. If he keeps lighting it up like he has he may just surpass some of those names.

Now on to the bitching. Ben is so confident in what he is doing that he regularly threw the ball into bad spots. His desperate heave into the end zone while being hit late in the second quarter could've taken points off the board. I don't like that but I am forced to live with it as it seems 70% of the time he comes out smelling like roses.

RB: C- Take care of the ball fellas! Willie Parker was back after missing two games and he looked a little rusty. The play prior to Parker basically just losing the ball without being touched was comical and a little ominous. Parker caught a pass in the flat and tripped over his feet while wrestling with the ball. I thought he looked a little out of sync and sure enough he coughed it up on the next play.

Mendenhall's fumble was not so much of a fumble in my mind. I know he wasn't down but he forward progress had been stopped for nearly two seconds before the ball was stripped. I am not gonna complain about it too much though. In any event, the announcers seem to point out every week how Rashard is a little to loose while carrying the ball. It hasn't really bit him to much yet but you just get the feeling that he is going to lose one at a bad time.

WR: A+ Who is leading the league in receiving yards through six weeks? Hines Ward, that's who. The old war horse still has some fight left in him and his 599 yards prove that. Of course it helps when you have a Santonio Holmes and a Mike Wallace on your side. I am loving Wallace, so much so that I am no longer angry at Limas Sweed for wasting space.

TE: A+ Heath Miller is the best TE in the NFL. Previous to this year we already knew that in Pittsburgh. Now that the Steelers have gone pass happy the rest of the league is seeing it too. Matt Spaeth fielded a kick off and downed it which earned a few boos. Awesome!

O-Line: Meh, B+? They weren't awful but they weren't great. We ended up 140 rushing yards which is good. Ben was sacked three times which isn't that bad either. Cleveland's defense is terrible so I can't judge them fairly. Next week should be a good test.

Overall a great statistical day as far as yards gained with 543 total yards. With that kind of production they could score 45+ points...if they could cut down on mistakes.

Defense

D-Line: B Not that the Browns are a good test but the d-line performed very well without Aaron Smith. Cleveland ended the day with 90 yards on the ground but the majority of that came from Josh Cribbs and the wildcat formation.

I think if you have a guy like Cribbs (which most teams don't) than the wildcat can be effective as a rushing attack. When Cleveland got cute and started letting Cribbs toss the ball around I loved it. He threw one awful incompletion and then followed that up with an interception.

I think it may be better for Cleveland if they scrapped the idea of passing from this set.

LB: A+ Was Lawrence Timmons on fire yesterday or what? He was all over the place. He had two sacks and two forced fumbles to go along with his 5 solos. That looks like a James Harrison stat line right there.

I loved it when Joe Thomas got called for holding Harrison and he spent a good 30 seconds arguing with the official. Geeze dude, we saw the replay, that wasn't just holding, that was rape. Not sure what he had to complain about. He got his money's worth.

DB: A Welcome back Troy Polamalu, you were missed. Even if you looked about 50% of your normal self just your mere presence was a calming influence on your teammates and us fans. Your interception was timely and desperately needed. Although how many of you out there screamed in horror when he limped off the field after the pick?

I started cursing John Madden and his stupid video game curse instantly. Luckily Troy returned and after the game said that he was fine. Phew...

Special Teams: D- Yes, one bad special teams play is worthy of a D- grade. Especially when it was Josh Cribbs returning a kick for a touchdown. He has eight career (I believe) and three of those have come against the Steelers. Why are we still kicking to him?

The Browns had nothing going on offense and we let them back in the game by kicking to the one really good player they have. It makes no sense. It wasn't until after the TD that we started kicking away from him. What? We had not already learned this lesson?

I should point out, as the announcers did, that Ratliff was held on the play.

Which leads me to this question. Who was worse yesterday, the officials or the announcing team? You decide.

The refs did make the right call on Hines Ward's second touchdown catch. He did lose control out of bounds but this is a case of the rule being stupid. Pretty soon you will need to hold onto the ball until you are safely seated on the bench.

I'm not sure what happened with the fourth down measurement, it sure looked like the Steelers were short. I loved the Cleveland bench reaction to it too. Priceless.

Now for the announcers. We get it, we know that Ben Roethlisberger is a football player that happens to play quarterback. Thank you for reminding us 10 times yesterday. Also, I am still trying to figure out who Mendinghall is.

Steelers Preview Week Six: Are The Browns Still A "Rival"?

Last week I was forced to preview the Detroit Lions, this week I have an equally tough assignment in the Cleveland Browns. What is there to possibly say about this team? Their coach is a big fat douche nozzle, they have two quarterbacks that aren't very good, they traded their "best" offensive weapon and the only guy worth talking about on defense is a big fat nose tackle named Shaun Rogers. Rogers played for the Lions prior to coming to Cleveland so you know he knows how to win football games.

Lets get this charade over with.

Offense

QB: We use the term offense loosely here. Last week the Browns won a football game. They beat the equally abysmal Buffalo Bills 6-3. Derek Anderson completed 2 of 17 passes. TWO! In a full 60 minute football game this guy threw two complete passes. How is that even possible? Put me under center and I could complete at least three passes, you know if they were little bubble screens and what not.

Brady Quinn is so ineffective that he can't take a job from a guy that only completed two passes. He also likes to pat other men's crotches when given the chance.

RB: Well what do we have here, our favorite drug dealer Jamal Lewis is still playing professional football. That's nice.

WR: I may be the only person that does when I watch Cleveland play but when number 16 gets the ball I obnoxiously yell out "I've got Cribbs!" you know because after a few drinks it kind of sounds like crabs...Nobody I do this around enjoys it. I don't care because I'm too busy laughing at how hilarious it is that his name sounds like crabs. In fact I just yelled it out while typing this.

OL: Fact: I don't watch football to see what the o-line is doing. So who cares.

Defense

They must be good, they held the Bills and Trent freakin' Edwards to three points last week, to call them stout would be accurate I suppose.

DL: Shaun Rogers is a hole plugger, in football terms that is good. In other avenues it just sounds a little gross.

By the way who the hell names their kid Robaire? Robaire Smith sounds like someone you might have picked on in grade school. Terrible name.

But not as terrible as Kamerion and D'Qwell. Now Kaluka Malava is a sweet name, they need more guys with cool names if they ever want to be good. No team has ever won a Super Bowl with a guy named Brodney. Was that an accident? Were his parents going for Rodney but messed up and scribbled a B on there? Or did they really fudge the name Bradley?

I realize I have done little in the way of actually informing you about this Browns team but the fact is that they are not much of a team. For god sakes Hank Poteat has a job with them. He sucked ten years ago.

Special Teams

Josh Cribbs is as dangerous a return man as there is in the NFL. He scares and excites me at the same time. I feel dirty. Maybe, just maybe I've got Cribbs!

I have nothing else to say about the Mistake on the Lake other than this: I take no pleasure in beating Cleveland. It is a no win situation. If the Steelers win then good, they were supposed to. If they lose than it will be a disaster. So the Steelers better win.

Pens Off To Second Best Start In Franchise History

The Pens are now 7-1 through eight games which is a nice number. Only one other time have they started out this well and that was back in 1995, when mullets were still acceptable in the hockey world. Mullets are always acceptable around these parts, however.

This is another twofer recap because I have been busy/lazy.

Pittsburgh 3 Carolina 2 (SO)

On Wednesday the Pens closed out a four game road trip with a 3-2 shootout win over the Carolina Hurricanes. Chris Kunitz scored the shootout winner where he was the sixth man Dan Bylsma sent over the boards.

It wasn't all sunshine and roses though as Pittsburgh blew a two nothing third period lead. This thankfully gave me something to complain about. Mike Rupp and Evgeni Malkin scored the Penguin goals and Ray Whitney potted Carolina's.

Cam Ward made a ridiculous save on Bill Guerin in the third period. Ward robbed Billy with his glove hand on what was a sure goal after a nifty tic-tac-toe play by Crosby and Kunitz. Guerin was impressed as you could see him give Ward a little head nod as if to say good job. What can you do on save like that? It was awesome.

What was not awesome was Carolina's cliched black third jersey. I thought we were over the whole black jersey thing. It seems like everyone has to have one. Just terrible.

Pittsburgh 4 Tampa 1

The Penguins jumped out to 1-0 nothing first period lead on a Bill Guerin powerplay goal. Sergei Gonchar scored from the point to make it a 2-0 lead headed into the break.

Pascal Dupuis (everyone's favorite whipping boy) scored his first of the season when he deflected a Gonchar blast. Mike Rupp scored for the second straight game in third period to make it 4-1.

I must confess that I had company last night and could only keep one eye on the game so this recap sucks. Check out a box score or your local paper for a proper read.

The Pens are 1-0 this year when wearing the baby blues.